Beijing Beautiful

U.S Ambassador to China Gary Locke has a secret weapon at home, and her name is Mona.  Mona Locke, recently featured in Vogue Magazine as the "Toast of Beijing", certainly steps out in style.  She has quite a following in Beijing, patronizes local designers, and has been out and about, demonstrating her public speaking prowess and intellect.  Mona has a background as a TV reporter, and has the poise to prove it.  Mona, we thank you for setting an awesome example of how spouses (both men and women) bring so much to the diplomatic table!

Synchronized Swimming: My New Favorite Sport

I've been trying to sneak a peek at synchronized swimming during the day, but stupid work keeps interfering. Luckily, file "gawking at bizarre swimming outfits" in the drawer of "things the Internet is good for." Behold:




Canada is rocking a soccer theme. Those hats: not something I would wear.

OMG OMG OMG!!

That is all.

AMERICA!

My husband: "what the (*&^@ is that in Ryan Lochte's mouth?"
Me: OBVIOUSLY, that is a stars and stripes grill.

On the ladder that leads to my sartorial heart, I think he climbs another rung.

Awkward Olympic Uniform Modeling

I totally fell asleep before the athletes marched around during the Opening Ceremonies, but that's what the Internet is good for: letting my pick out the worst two days later and make fun of them.

First up, China: Olympic athletes, or flight attendants?



Seriously, I think these guys served me plov on a China Southern flight once. except that really tall guy. Also, I'm not sure it's really that funny to have your uniforms modeled by only gymnasts and basketball players - everyone looks weird.

Next up, Russia, which is generally okay, except:



Yep, those are official team Russia belly bags. This is not 1992. (Ed. note: sorry Mom! Yours is awesome.)

Hay, que chiste es esto?

T

These girls are really pretty, right? And yet, all I see is a) stupid flowers, b) satin and c) horrible scarf torture.

Finally, to end on a positive note, here is Team GB:



I felt there was an overuse of blazers this year (not that I don't overuse them myself, but it was hard to tell one blazer-clad team from another). Stella McCartney saves the day! They are, after all, athletes, and they sweat, and it's cold in the UK. This is my gold medalist!

Swim Away...Quickly

Ann Romney. Sigh. Did you buy this thinking "that would be PERFECT for the 400IM finals at the London Olympics?" I sincerely hope not.

It's On!

Most people consider the Opening Ceremony the beginning of Olympic excitement. Yeah, whatever: the COCKTAIL PARTY I WOULD MOST LIKE TO BE INVITED TO, EVER is kicking if off for me. If Prince Harry is involved, we go to ALL CAPS.

Let's get this started.

First of all, kudos to U.S Amb. Susman for getting in a lot of the photos. That's him on the left. Let's start with the photo we're always waiting for:



I'm actually a little Meh on both of these looks, despite the fact that Duchess Kate is one of the few ladies who can pull of pale blue satin and not look fat - and I put myself at my senior prom in the latter category. Then again, on TV at the actual ceremony, it looks a little severe - this isn't a wedding!

No, the real beauty of this party, hosted by the Queen, was that it was apparently for all heads of state who happened to be in town for the Games. And that let to some random-ass photos!

Here is Princess Beatrice with the Prime Minister of Kyrgyzstan Omurbek Babanov & Rita Birbaeva. What are they talking about? (Her: "so, in your country, do you wear the hat all the time?) Babanov was wise to wear the hat - he also is in a lot of photos.

(Ed. note: ceremonies have begun. Meredith Viera just described something as "the voice of an angel coming from a nine-year-old boy." It's going to be a long 17 days.)

And, finally, my favorite:

Basking in the glow that is Prince Harry is President of Gabon Ali Bongo Ondimba and his wife Sylvia. (Sylvia: nice dress!) I happen to know that President Bongo has met several members of my family. Meaning I have only two degrees of separate to Prince Harry!

He's Got the Lochte

The ladies of YBMMF are big fans of Ryan Lochte...as long as he doesn't talk. (Seriously, have you heard this guy talk? It's not pretty.) Therefore, we admire his business sense in marketing these bad boys on his web site, a place where you can also buy the official Ryan Lochte workout video OMGOMGOMG!



As we are over age 25, we did not know what either "Reezy" or "Jeah" meant. Luckily, I have a 21-year-old intern, who patiently explained this to us. "Jeah" means "really good." Okay. And Ryan is apparently a fan of Young Jeezy, so likes to be known as "Reezy."

That explanation made me feel about 70 years old. To make myself feel younger, I went to the Wu-Tang name generator, which is my generation's Reezy/Jeezy, whatever. And my name? Drunken Bastard.

Ralph Would Have Lost Project Runway

A lot of people have been giving Ralph Lauren flak for the recently unveiled Team USA uniforms for London.




Aside from the widely discussion hatred of berets and the unnecessarily oversize Polo logo (although what could be more American?), our first exclamation was a groan, about that skirt length. Ralph: most ladies who qualified for the Olympics have calves. That's not a bad thing. But do you really think this girl is going to feel her best in that? Not a flattering look.

Sixteen(ish) Days of Glory

It's been quite a hiatus around here. Between the getting married, having babies, moving, working and Nordstrom sample sale shopping, the ladies of YBMMF haven't exactly given it their all in the last year. Nothing screams "comeback," however, like the Olympics. There are too many existential questions out their that we need to answer:

- who will have the worst uniforms?
- how many men can we not feel bad objectifying because they have pictures like that on their official websites?
- most importantly, what will Kate Middleton, Pippa, Victoria Beckham, Michelle Obama and others wearing?

 Consider us the Anthony Ervin of blogs - we're back, bitches, we can do this in our sleep, we're gonna win more gold medal, and then probably retire to a quiet life of getting more tattoos and playing the guitar.