Thursday, May 22, 2014

In Honor of the Unofficial Start of Summer

Dear Christine Lagarde,

I have no doubt you are an amazing, interesting, smart, funny woman. Really. And, since you are French, I also bet you read interesting books, eat responsibly, and speak with an appropriate volume at all times, even though you now live in America.

However, we need to talk.

There are two possible explanation for why you are suddenly the same color as John Boehner, and thus just one step away from getting made fun of by the President of the United States for your not-so-subtle orange hue. The first is that your favorite thing about America is our wide selection of self-tanners, which, I must admit, have some a long way from the ones that used to automatically turn your palms orange and smelled like Sun-In. The other explanation is that your admittedly athletic lifestyle has actually exposed you to this much sun - but I find it hard to believe, given that you have a super-serious desk job.

The next time you head to CVS or the tanning salon for your fix: STOP! You are a beautiful woman! Your clothes are great! You don't need this

Monday, May 5, 2014

The Latest Twist in the Ukraine Crisis: Kitschottiere Postponed!

Among the many sad stories to come out of Ukraine today: events have gotten so serious that they have allegedly postponed the wedding of boxer/politician Vladimir Kitschko and Nashville (admit it, you've watched it too) star Hayden Panettiere. They both seem like nice people, and she gave a good speech at the height of the Maidan frenzy back in December - but the thing I like most about them is the fact that he is, not kidding, at least twice her size. Look!

And she is probably wearing serious heels underneath that dress too. If I ever meet them in person, I will have to make an effort to restrain from squealing "you guys are SO cute" in some wildly inappropriate setting. We applaud their political sensitivity, and wish them the best.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Nerd Prom: If You Pay Someone to Be Your Date, Is That Okay?

Now, we are big, big fans of the White House Correspondents' Dinner, and the glitz it lends to our otherwise salmon-pants-and-Toms-loving capitol. And I love the glimpse of an actual, outside-the-Beltway celebrity at this event, as long as that is a celebrity who a) has demonstrated an interest in public policy or b) is in a show in which he/she demonstrates an interest in public policy.

Exhibit A:

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is pictured. | Getty Images

Yes. I hope Gary is carrying the Leviathan and making sure she doesn't mix her meds with too much booze and then sleep with her ex-husband.

But then there are those who don't meet the categories outlined above. Those who are less likely to appear at a Congressional hearing on Darfur, or vaccines, or...anything. I give you:

 Jason Binn and Sofia Vergara are pictured. | Getty

Don't get me wrong: she's funny, and she has awesome hair, and I can't believe she has a teenage son. And it wouldn't strike me as odd, except she was at the SAME DINNER last year.

This is a woman who said in 2013: "I would be lying to you if I didn't say the success of it. For me, it has allowed me to do the things I always wanted -- my endorsements."

Is she really on hand to advocate for more federal funding for tree pollen allergies? Or for additional wells to be built in the Central African Republic? Or to speak up for military victims of sexual abuse? I somehow doubt it.

So, this leaves me with just one question: HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING HER? AND WHY?